Feelings of loneliness on a Year Abroad.
I haven’t discussed it on the blog yet, but this, this need to share, to document my life, all sparked-off on my Year Abroad in Japan. I thought that all the photos I was taking, and so all the amazing memories, were just going to waste on my computer. People needed to see the scenery, hear the tales… but most importantly I wanted to create something for me to remember. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, that travel year-abroad blog never came into fruition. The reason being, that year was hella difficult.
I just, quite frankly, felt so alone.
Don’t get me wrong, from about February 2015 to when we left in July, it was great. Nono, it was FRANTIGILLY-TASTIC. We travelled, we ate, we lived.
Before that though, before the New Year, it was awful.
They were the shittest months ever. Imagine the biggest, ugliest bird ever, like super mouldy beak, grotesque, one eye drooping, and imagine the poop that would come out of that. Yeah, that’s how bad the beginning four months of my year abroad were.
And I don’t even know why.
Well, I do. I felt lost. I felt alone. I was surrounded by new and fun people, people I wanted to integrate with, to get to know, but I just couldn’t. I physically just froze, just messed up. I was someone I’m not. I just couldn’t seem to get my butt into gear. I wasn’t me. I became selfish, neurotic, secluded. I ostracised myself for no reason whatsoever. Thinking back now, it still doesn’t make sense.
I resented those that found it so easy. SO easy to just be. To be themselves. To be confident. I resented even those close to me. They found it easy to not be lost within themselves.
I don’t know what changed when the New Year came along to make it easier. I don’t know whether it was knowing that in six months I’d be going home, or whether something just clicked, but whatever it was, I’m glad it happened.
I kind of just wanted to discuss this amalgamation of feelings all in one go to just, you know, get them out the way. I’m hoping to do some blog posts on Japan in the future, and I just wanted you to know that it wasn’t all smiles and roses. It was hard. It was real.
I feel like when people talk about their Year Abroad they’re not allowed to be negative. That because it is perceived as being “the time of your life” you have to love it, regardless of the difficulties you may face, be it physically and/or emotionally. Don’t get me wrong it was an amazing experience, Japan is such a beautiful country, and I did love it. It’s just, ya know, a Year Abroad should be taken with a pinch of salt, do you get me?
If any of you are in a similar situation at the moment, I just want you to know, it does get better.
It truly, truly does.
And that goes for anything difficult you may be facing. Remember, time doesn’t stand still, it will end.
In the wise words of Lana Del Rey:
“Lost, but now I am found”
Have any of you guys ever been in the same boat?
Thanks, just writing this post has made me feel better.
NOW, TIME FOR SOME CHOCOLATE.
Night,
N.E
AUTHOR ANAGRAM:
JOHN LIKES SCARY
I forgot to say last time, but at the end of each post from now on will be an anagram. It will either be of the title of a book, the author of that book, or the main character of that book. Then, on Sunday, I will do a post all about that specific book, so you’ll get the answers. I just thought it would be fun to incorporate what I was reading into a little game. Hope you enjoy!
My Paper Lungs 
It’s definitely intimidating how the year abroad is portrayed as “the best year of your life” – when I was in France, I remember feeling a bit down at times, mostly due to the image that others project of themselves on social media throughout the course of their year abroad. I found that just getting out, exploring by myself and with friends helped me to get over this and feel more at home abroad. Look forward to reading about your experience in Japan – all the more so as I’m heading out there this summer!
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Oh wow, what was your year abroad in France like? Omg yes, I get that entirely. ALl my friends seemed to be having amazing times according to their social media, but then when we met up, I found out that they had some difficulties too. Ahhh that’s so cool!! Where abouts in Japan are you going? What do you plan to do? If you want any suggestions I’m here to help! I hope you have a great time 🙂
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It was so much fun (once I’d got over the nightmare that is French bureaucracy haha!) – I was teaching English in Alsace, so the travel opportunities were great as it’s right on the border of Switzerland and Germany! I’m actually heading back over to France post-graduation 🙂 I think it comes down to wanting to share the good times but not put a downer on social media and share the bad moments, and that’s why you only ever find out about each other’s misadventures in person! Doing a bit of a loop in Japan actually, starting with a couple of days in Tokyo, then Fuji, then Japan Alps (Matsumoto) and doing the alpine pass to finish in Kanazawa before heading south to Kyoto, Hiroshima, Miyajima and Osaka – in most cases we have two full days per place (with the exception of Kyoto with four and Miyajima just one). So far I’ve not thought too in depth about where to go (aside from the bamboo forest near Kyoto which is on my to-visit list!) so any recommendations would be great!
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ahaha, it sounds amazing!! What was it like to teach English in France? Omg I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland and Germany!! The food looks AMAZING. Did you ski? Oh wow! What would you be doing? What do you study? 🙂 Yeah yeah, I completely understand that 🙂 I feel like social media definitely gives a rose-tinted glasses effect to Year Abroads. Your trip sounds absolutely amazing. Fuji is such a beautiful place. Whilst there you should definitely check out Aokigahara. omg yes Miyajima!!!! BEST PLACE EVER!!! Are you planning on doing blog posts? 🙂
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It was so much fun once I got into it, just takes a while to work out the abilities of students/classes, and once you’ve sorted that things only get better! I was able to teach pretty much whatever I wanted, so it was a great chance to let them all know about the weird and wonderful traditions of the UK! I did – though only once – and in a small resort in the Vosges (in Alsace), it was good fun but there was definitely a slight time lapse in processing all the instructions given to me in French haha! I’ve just finished my degree in French, I’ll be in Lyon next year teaching English again but at a university this time. It’s so true, though I think to some extent year abroad-ers feel bad saying they’re only having a so-so time. Really looking forward to it and thanks for the tip 😀 It just looked so picturesque…so we couldn’t help adding on a day to see it! I will be posting, but once I’m back from the trip/ have reliable internet in France!
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Hey! Sorry I haven’t replied in a while, uni got a bit hectic! Having that ability to teach must be such an amazing skill to have. I taught English in Ukraine for two weeks and that was so physically and mentally draining – but definitely worth it! ahahah that must have been quite difficult to do!! I found pin-pointing exactly what as english tradition was so so difficult! I basically just came up with fish and chips! Oh wow I can imagine!!! Did you enjoy it though? I definitely prefer active holidays to beach ones. Ah, congratulations!! How was your graduation? That sounds pretty daunting, are you prepared? Ahaha yeah I can definitely agree with that, you don’t want to offend anyone/ make people think you’re wasting time! Ahh I can’t wait to read all about it! 🙂 When are you planning on going?
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